#90! Your order is ready.

So it seems that even though he had an awesome season and was basically crapped on by the NFL in not being named to the Pro Bowl, Mario Williams was just crapped on again. You know... just in case he forgot.

Mario Williams was a more deserving Pro Bowler, in my opinion, than the named starters of Jared Allen and Kyle Vanden Bosch. He was also more deserving of Jason Taylor who was named a reserve. After realizing their fuck up, Williams was named an alternate. Ok... not great, but thanks.

Then when Taylor announces that he can't go due to injury, Aaron Freaking Schobel was named in his place. Um... excuse me Mr. Williams... here is your shit burger with a side of fuck you fries.

So, let's play the mystery man game. Because I like that game.

.......................Sacks........Tackles.........Solo.....FF
Player A........12..................60...............48.........4
Player B.........15.5..............65...............56.........3
Player C.........11..................55...............43.........4
Player D.........14..................59...............43........2
Player E.........6.5.................57...............45.........5

Ok, if I look at this and pretend I don't know who's who, I'd say Player B looks the most dominant, followed by Player D, then Player A, then Player C, and finally, Player E. I figure that the variation in tackles is too small to really make a judgment. Other than Player B, solo tackles also don't show enough variation. FF are largely based on luck, so Sacks is pretty much the tie breaker.

Now, let's see who's who.

Player A: Kyle Vanden Bosch
Player B: Jared Allen
Player C: Jason Taylor
Player D: Mario Williams
Player E: Aaron Freakin' Schobel

So, let's eliminate my bias here and I'll agree that Allen should be the starter. Williams and Vanden Bosch are close, so I won't bitch... too much. Williams is clearly stronger than Jason Taylor. And there should be no argument between Williams and Schobel.

Add to that that he's only in his second year, constantly, had people yelling at him that he sucks (with no real basis) and you'd think that perhaps people would at least throw him a little bone here.

But the silver lining in all of this is that it's just going to fire him up more. Before this year, and to a certain extent even early in this season, I think that all the doubters and haters did get to Mario a bit. I think it motivated him, but at the same time, I think it planted that tiny seed of doubt in his mind. Now, that doubt is gone. He took it to the league, and now he knows he can dominate.

He should be better next year just by virtue of the fact that he's gotten more experienced and the normal learning curve for a DE in the NFL is about three years. That's a scary thought in itself.

Now, we can add in the fact that he'll keep the wrapper to this shit burger in his pocket and force feed a fuck you fry to every QB that he crushes. I can't wait.

But for now... order up!

Hello, my name is: Houston Astros

If you don't recognize the Astros next season, don't feel bad. Kind of a lot has happened to the team since we last left but it can really be summed up with two major points.

1. The team has really changed as many new faces have come on board
2. The whole Mitchell Report - Miguel Tejada thing

I'll touch on #2 in a later post as I think there's a lot I have to say about it, but at the same time I just want to put my thoughts down once... I don't want to get into a whole bitch session on steroids. So for this post I just want to look at things from a baseball perspective.

Along with Tejada, the Astros have picked up Kaz Matsui to play 2nd, Michael Bourn to play CF, and multiple new bullpen faces including closer Jose Valverde. Additionally, Hunter Pence moves to right field and J.R. Towles becomes the new catcher with Ausmus moving to a backup role.

Heading out the door now are Luke Scott (whom I really liked), Adam Everett, Brad Lidge, Troy Patton, Matt Albers, Mike Lamb. There are others who came and left, but these are the major ones.

Ok... now that the introductions are done, let's hit the bar. I've heard a lot of discussion about how we haven't really improved or how we gave up too much or how we gave up our high character guys for guys with, ahem, questionable morals. But here's the deal, and there's really no getting around it: we were 73-89 last year. There's no way we could expect to appreciably improve without some drastic changes. This is a theme that I think we'll keep coming back to.

So what I think I'll do between now and Spring Training is take a closer look at these improvements in segments: outfield, infield, starting pitching, bullpen.

And you thought you were rid of me

And we're back. Yeah, I know it's been a while. I know it seems that I got home and never posted again, and I guess I deserve the criticism, but in my defense, there was kind of a lot going on. Anyway, the more time that passed the more I kind of felt like I needed a great topic to jump back in. Then I figured screw it... why set a high standard now?

So there's a bunch of little topics that I've been wanting to touch on. They're mostly sports related so if you're not into that, well, sorry.

And as I write this, Kerry notes that I have not yet cursed... fuck.

Let's go to the judges

One of the tough things about being away from home is the extra effort it takes to keep up with the sporting world. Poor Kerry had to go two whole weeks without hearing me scream profanities at the TV. So sad.

Well one of the main reasons I wanted this blog was to scream profanities at the internet as well. No this does not replace the screaming of profanities to the TV, but as we all know, sometimes sports demand multiple outlets. With the teams I root for, I may ultimately have to set up a multi media headquarters, but for now the blog will do… hopefully.

So let’s grade the performance of the home-blog heroes over the last two weeks.

• Houston Astros: F-
  The Astros weren’t active during this time, but I didn’t have the blog during the season, so this grade is retroactive. The only positives this season were Biggio’s 3,000 hits (even the Yankees don’t have one of those), getting rid of the stupid fat man, GM Tim Purpura, and getting a chance to personally watch the young players beat up on the Reds from the GE Luxury Suite in Great American Ballpark.
  
  
• Houston Texans: C-
  Yeah, they went 1-1 during the break, but it seems that the loss to the Chargers just wasn’t even close and we lost Dunta Robinson during the win at the Raiders. When you’re hoping he’s just out for the season, that’s not good. Our list of injuries this season is longer than… my flights. What did you think I was going to say?
  
  
• Florida Panthers: C
  They went .500, but they had a great chance to pull within a few points of division leader Carolina and instead got slammed causing G Tomas Vokun to question the effort of the team. Nothing like the new guy calling out his teammates to build team unity.
  
  
• Northwestern Wildcats: D
  We went 0-2. Yeah, they were tough opponents and your expectations for Wildcat Football shouldn’t be too high in the first place (not healthy), but we were leading both games late in the second quarter and got beat soundly. Not good
  
  
• Houston Rockets: A-
  This is what we call a sprinkle of sugar on a pile of shit. Finally one team that didn’t suck. They went 3-1 to start the season and lost a tough one to Dallas yesterday. Dallas is still one of the best teams out there, and they had to pull off a pretty impressive run to steal the win. Considering the new coach and new players, I’m going to give them a little bit of a pass on this one. If they make that a trend though, expect it to change.

I'm on my waaaayyyy... Home Sweet Home!

Whew, what a trip. No matter how cool it is to see other parts of the world, it’s always nice to come back home. Hmm… that doesn’t sound right… let me rephrase.

No matter how cool it is to see other parts of the world, it’s always nice to be back home. Coming home sucks. Seriously, I get to fly from Christchurch, New Zealand to Auckland, New Zealand to Los Angeles to Dallas to Orlando. Once in Orlando, I get to rent a car and make the hour drive back home to Melbourne. Then on top of that, I get to go into work on Thursday.

The crappy part is that I don’t even get credit for time served traveling. I leave my hotel in Christchurch at noon on Wednesday the 7th (local time) and get home at 2am on Wednesday the 7th (local time). That’s 14 hours off the clock, but I estimate 32 hours of uncomfortable, stinky, sober(ish) time sitting in a tiny airplane seat or a noisy uncomfortable airport.

At least on the way here, I left on a Wednesday and got in on Friday afternoon. Sweet! Weekend! Now, I get to go back and it’s still the middle of the week. If I’m going to have an 8 day week, the extra day should at least be the weekend.

All that said, however, for those of you who would use this as an excuse for not making such a trip to see these great countries (and by “those of you” I mean mom), just know that it’s totally worth it and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Of course ask me that again 32 hours from now.

In other news, the sky is blue

After extensive research, I've discovered that the effects of Jack Daniels in Australia are similar to the effects of Jack Daniels in the US.

Whew... glad I got that one cleared up.

You know the interesting thing about New Zealand? It's the little differences.

I’m sitting now in an airport in Christchurch, New Zealand on my way to Brisbane, Australia. I’m in one of the coolest airport bars I’ve ever been to. I’m sitting here sipping down a Speights Dark (Speights is an excellent New Zealand brewery) next to a wall of windows overlooking the runway, a forest, and the Southern Alps (the mountain range from Lord of the Rings). The plan right now is to knock down enough Speights to be able to wipe this flight from memory, but until then I figured I’d point out some of the good and some of the not so good of traveling to New Zealand for those not fortunate enough to have made the trip.

The good

• Lamb. Lamb is everywhere here and it’s good. One of the more interesting facts of New Zealand is that there are more sheep than people here. Ok, that’s not really that interesting, but still, the lamb is awesome. I’ve had so far, a braised lamb (with a red wine sauce, lentils, and truffle oil) so good I nearly lost all self control, a lamb pizza (with feta, rosemary, and potato), and lamb chips. That’s right, I had lamb flavored potato chips. Surprisingly enough, they actually tasted lamb like, and even more surprisingly, they did not suck. I did pass, however, on the lamb sandwich from Subway. You’ve got to have standards.
  
  
• The accent. No matter how much I hear it, it still sounds cool – especially when coming from kids. Although for some reason I feel like they’re faking it.
  
  
• The coffee. It’s a little known fact that coffee down under is quite fantastic. It’s made even better by the funny names. A “flat white” for example is basically a latte (although they also sell lattes at the same place… I can’t figure this one out). A “long black” (or the less adventurous may opt for the smaller “short black”) is like a double espresso pulled over hot water so it's a little diluted and has more volume. Three long blacks paired with six pints of Speights is the perfect cure for jet lag. Side effects may include excessive pissing and the misguided belief that you can do the accent.
  
  
• The scenery. Anyone who has seen Lord of the Rings can vouch for the beauty of New Zealand, but the thing that makes it cool is that since the south island is sparsely populated, it’s more like a natural place with pockets of civilization; unlike the US which is more like a big city with pockets of nature. Then again, as a Floridian, any time I see a mountain not named “Space”, “Big Thunder”, “Splash”, or “Trashmore” it feels really foreign.
  
  

The not so good

• Waking up and football has already started. I would have put this under “the good” if the Texans didn’t just get their asses handed to them by a team nearly chased from home by fires. What the fuck?! Was this a charitable donation?! “Hey, sorry about your house. Here’s a few interceptions to get you back on your feet.” Now to get through the rest of the day, I have to stay drunk for 15 hours instead of the usual 5 or 6. Wait a sec… I gain three hours in Brisbane… carry the one and... shit… another Speights please.
  
  
• Departure tax. This isn’t exactly exclusive to New Zealand, but I don’t understand why when you land they say you can only stay for three months, but they're going to charge you $25 to leave. What the hell do you want from me? I’m getting mixed signals here. Imagine if I did this at home. “Hey guys, why don’t you come over for a barbecue? You can only stay for a couple of hours and before you leave you have to give me a bottle of whiskey.” Hmm… maybe I should put this under “good”…
  
  
• Excessive coinage. This also applies to multiple countries. I’m not a fan of the $1 and $2 coins. You end up trying to buy a $10 sandwich with nothing but change otherwise you get this big bulge in your pocket and people start getting the wrong idea about you.

Well the battery’s dying on the laptop and the Speights is running low. Time to move on. If history’s any indication, I’ll post again from the next airport.

Note: During the writing of this entry, they had some horse racing on the TV. One of the bartenders was a partial owner of a horse that nearly won (and who apparently had never even been close before). They were all going nuts. It was pretty exciting and I found myself getting excited near the end even though I really couldn’t give a shit.

They also showed a dog race which was delayed because one of the dogs took a shit on the track. Ironically, they continued to play football in San Diego after the Texans did the same thing.